Reinforcing the value of life.

Reaffirming the pursuit of happiness.
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How the Philosophical is Personal
My college graduation ceremony was half over and I had yet to be affected by the excitement around me. I hoped that, maybe, when I received my diploma—the symbol of success and the rite of passage—the spark would happen.

I blew the tassel off my face, confidently walked across the stage, shook hands with the college president, simultaneously received my diploma, gave a toothy grin for the photographer, and proceeded down the ramp back to my seat.

I stared at the momentous document and realized it was just a piece of paper, no spark came. In fact, I felt very sad because that flimsy piece of paper defined my self-worth.
Four Levels
of Happiness


HAPPINESS LEVEL 1:
Finding pleasure in things and appearances.

The focus is on myself, feeling good from instant gratification. I seek maximum pleasure and minimal pain.

Self-worth is measured by the accumulation of material things. I use people in sexual, emotional, physical or mental ways to feel good.

Suffering seems pointless and is to be avoided at all cost. I distract myself by constantly getting new things and pleasures.

Love is only physical and sexual. I do not know how to experience deeper levels of intimacy.

Crisis occurs because I become bored when the only things I am living for are pleasures I can touch, taste, see, smell or hear.


HAPPINESS LEVEL 2:
Finding pleasure in ego and competition.

The focus is on short-term pleasures that make me feel good about myself.

Self-worth is found in comparing myself with others, and I seek to be the best or to have the most all the time. I use people in sexual, emotional, physical or mental ways to feel better about myself.

Suffering can be unbearable when I constantly compete with people and can only be relieved by "one-upping" others. I regularly need new pleasures or objects to feel good about myself.

Love is self-centered when it is based on what I can get out of another person.

Crisis occurs because my pleasure is only short-term, and so I must seek more and more pleasure, often sought through competition with others. This can result in jealousy, fear of failure, suspicion, loneliness, and depression.


HAPPINESS LEVEL 3:
Finding happiness in service to other people.

The focus is on other people and long-term relationships. Gratification is long-term because choices are made to help the greater good.

The quality of my relationships and the depth of compassion I offer people measure my self-worth.

Suffering is an opportunity to grow, giving it purpose despite its discomfort.

Love means giving people my time, talent, and treasure in long-term commitments.

Crisis occurs because I can never do enough to help people—there's always more to do. Another pitfall is thinking another person will bring me ultimate happiness. This task is too great to expect another person to achieve for me, or for me to achieve for another person.


HAPPINESS LEVEL 4:
Finding joy in a relationship with God.

The focus is on God, and recognition of who and what God is. Relationships are eternal. Gratification is eternal, too.

Self-worth is found in who I am, and not in what I can do or contribute. My worth is intrinsic, God-given, and cannot be earned.

Suffering is spiritual because God can use it for the good of all people. Suffering is an opportunity for spiritual and emotional growth.

Love comes from God, and can be passed on to other people through me. Love has a deep spiritual and intimate dimension. Sexual love is physical, spiritual, emotional, and self-sacrificing.

© 2004 Center for Life Principles

Written by Shanelle Pierce
Based on the book, Healing the Culture
My college experience taught me to value myself for what I could do and contribute. My self-worth was measured by good grades, prominence as a student leader, and extracurricular activities. I spent more time outside the classroom than inside earning my degree. I participated in nearly every service project available and pioneered new ones. At graduation, I knew I'd made the most of my college experience. Yet, why was I unhappy on that culminating day?

Graduation marked the beginning of an identity crisis. With time, crisis, and suffering, I recognized my true self-worth, defined in Happiness Level 4.

A common pitfall of Level 3 is trying to be all things for all people continuously. I could never do enough to help people for there was always more to do. I wore myself out physically with my focus solely on serving people.

About the time I graduated, a handsome and very likable man named Carlos came into my life. In our relationship, I experienced being valued for who I was and not for what I could do.

"Shanelle, I like all of you," he would often say sweeping his hand from my head to feet.

This was his way of expressing appreciation and love at a deeper level that looked beyond achievements.

So, the natural thing to do was to find my identity in our relationship. Without a sense of my own identity, our relationship became an attempt to complete myself. In short, love became something to grasp at rather than to freely embrace.

Two years into our relationship, I understood God was asking me to let Carlos go. I obeyed despite not knowing exactly why. With time and considerable suffering, I understood why. There was danger in finding my self-worth in another person even if he was wonderful, charming, and liked me for me, and even if our love was true and exclusively committed.

I succumbed to another pitfall of Level 3 when I grasped at Carlos to bring me ultimate happiness. This task was too great to expect him to achieve for me or me for him.

The crisis of relinquishing human love brought emotional suffering, complicating ongoing physical suffering from chronic ill health. Despite the tremendous discomfort of suffering, it was precisely when I was weak I found my self-worth in knowing I'm made in God’s image. There was no need to perform, contribute, or prove my self-worth. This was and still is not easy. I longed for the company of Carlos on my journey, but God had other designs.

I wish I could say there was a defining moment or certain threshold I needed to cross to arrive at Level 4. Unlike the movies, the real-life journey is long, hard, and requires lots of perseverance.

I learned happiness was more than a spark, or a feeling, but moreover a decision made in the depths of my will, minute-by-minute, day in and day out. I also learned Levels 1, 2, or 3 are good in and of themselves. However, I ran into trouble when the only things I lived for were Levels 1, 2, or 3.

Every day, I face situations where I'm valued for what I can do and not for who I am. I'm tempted to feel like a piece of "trash" because, if you follow the line of logic, I may be disposed of when I'm no longer useful or able to perform. In these moments, I'm reminded—my identity is rooted in God.

These days, three and half years after college graduation, I find happiness in who I am and not in what I can do. When I was weak, I could recognize my self-worth in my ability to love and be in relationship with God. Crisis arose to move me beyond the pitfalls of Level 3 because life is not only worth living, it is worth living well.

By Shanelle Pierce, Resource Development
© Copyright 2005 Center for Life Principles. All Rights Reserved. A project of Human Life of Washington.